Why You Should Defend the Right to Hold Unpopular Opinions

What happens when yours is the one they don't like?

“Freedom of speech is useless without freedom of thought.”

— Spiro Agnew

People tell me I should be quiet. Stop writing about these controversial things. Stop sharing the woes of doing so. My mom, my husband, my sister, and others that love me. Not because they think I’m wrong (although they don’t agree with everything I write). They are uncomfortable with it for me and can’t imagine themselves doing it.

They also don’t want to see me get slammed because they love me and know I am often unfairly maligned. But, I don’t know…it feels as natural as breathing to me.

And, I think the problem today is too many people not speaking up.

Here’s one reason:

“In our identitarian age, the bar for offense has been lowered considerably, which makes democratic debate more difficult—citizens are more likely to withhold their true opinions if they fear being labeled as bigoted or insensitive.”

Jonathan Haidt

I am eternally grateful and privileged to have been born in the United States, where free speech, religion, thought and press — among other freedoms — is of primary value.

In the past decade, we’ve seen some of these things attacked in the name of so-called “safety.” Or, as I was recently told when canceled from a speaking event — “inclusivity.”

It came from a business coach and community I work with for my writing coaching. I have learned so much from this woman and her classes — and she’s been instrumental in teaching me how to get my course up and running.

But, I’ve just learned that she doesn’t like my opinions and so I’m out. I was all set to present to our group this week (about freelance writing) when…

Here’s the email I received:

I’ve been a member of this community for over two years. I’ve learned a ton from her, recommended her to others and spent a lot of money learning from her. I can’t say enough good things about her work and creative genius.

And honestly, I don’t have hard feelings for her now because I’m writing this piece for a larger purpose. I also think she doesn’t realize how damaging this kind of thing is.

I don’t personally know anyone else in that group and have no idea who “complained” about me hosting a class (it was advertised to the group this week), but given my business and my training has absolutely nothing to do with my outside views, I’m not sure why it was necessary to exclude me from a so-called “inclusive” community.

As one Twitter follower wrote:

Even though I wasn’t going to be discussing my views, she didn’t want to be associated with someone representing culturally heterodox perspectives.

The premise that ideas you don’t like create “unsafety” is incredibly dangerous.

“Free speech and the ability to tolerate offense are the hallmarks of a free and open society,” writes Greg Lukianoff — and I agree.

Every time someone gets “canceled” for their controversial opinion, it only makes others more likely NOT to speak up.

Shutting down speech in the name of “safetyism” makes open dialogue impossible and harms the battle of ideas (which is vital to the protection of freedom and democracy!)

And I’m talking about ALL ideas, including those I disagree vehemently with.

I say this with no malice, but this move to cancel my event was cowardly.

This isn’t about her or my situation specifically — it’s about all of us. Every time we’re silenced due to cultural pressure, we create a more protectionist nation that moves toward the regulation of speech and thought.

And every time you try to shut someone down or shame them for their free thought, you become part of the problem.

Right & Left Both Have Their Issues

As my friend

Kaeley Triller Harms

wrote, right wing cancel culture is also wrong.

Here’s an example:

Recently, Libs of TikTok went after private citizens who expressed horrific thoughts about President Trump online (most posted something about being “sad the shooter missed.”) I find that abhorrent, but she took video cameras to their workplaces and got them fired. Sorry, but no, I don’t support that.

Now, private businesses should be free to make their own decisions and this woman can certainly can bar me from teaching the class. But that doesn’t make it right.

After all, I’ve worked with students on opinion pieces I didn’t fully agree with, but my job is as their coach to help them find their argument or story.

Back to the Email Sitch…

A million things ran through my head when I got this email from her. My flesh was all distress then shame then sarcasm —at first, but thankfully I took a beat. Even though I didn’t deserve this, it still heaps on unwarranted feelings of shame.

More than anything, I wanted her to think about what she was doing — silencing someone for a dissenting idea. Punishing someone who thinks differently than her.

Here’s my response to her:

Now, I assume that the “complaints” about me came down to one of these opinions:

• Life begins at conception & abortion is wrong

• Traditional, Biblical view of sexuality and gender

• Against minors being given hormones/surgeries for gender dysphoria

• Men cannot become women and women cannot become men.

I put it out there because I’m not going to hide it. We are all complex, nuanced, complete people with genuine reasons for our beliefs.

Also, millions of Americans have opinions like these! It’s not as if I’m some crazy radical.

I don’t demand an agreement.

I don’t even speak out much about the legal side of these issues.

I don’t force anyone to read my opinion pieces.

I’m perfectly okay having friendships and relationships with people who see the world differently.

I hold my opinions because I think they’re true (as everyone does), but that doesn’t mean I disrespect or love someone less because theirs differs from my own.

Here’s a handful of (a SMALL sampling) of the messages I received recently after a controversial piece came out (not including the multiple, threatening voicemails I received when a few folks somehow found my number.)

I don’t think these people are representative of the whole, but you should know these things happen.

…If any of those people above were in need, I would help them.

…If someone else is in need, will I ask them how they vote, what they think about abortion or their sexuality? Absolutely not.

…And if I asked someone to speak to my writing community about a skill they teach, would I ask them what religion they were or what they thought of drag queen story hour? No, because that has nothing to do with my class or business.

I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to emails like the one I got this weekend. It will always feel awful. And I’ll never comprehend a mindset that says different opinions don’t deserve to be silenced or those who have them shoved out of spaces.

My challenge to you is this (cheers if you got this far!): Be brave. Speak out. Don’t be silenced. As Allie Beth Stuckey often says, “share the arrows.”

When someone you know is getting reamed online, stand up for them — stand by them if you agree with or support them. We see this with more athletes starting to speak out against males competing in female sports — though plenty of people are still scared to do so (I’ve long sworn off any care for judgment on that one… :)

The following quote is a perfect one to close out:

“I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”

When we lose this, we move one step closer to tyranny. You don’t want to live in a country where your opinions are silenced, where you can’t criticize the government, ideas or other people for that matter.

Maybe that sounds dramatic. All this for a dumb invite inside a private community? Yeah, in the grand scheme, who cares? But this stuff doesn’t start big. It starts small and it will catch up with you.

And with that I’ll say, SPEAK YOUR MIND (even if I disagree with it), THINK CRITICALLY (because that matters) and LOVE EVERYONE regardless of their political or religious views. We’re all image bearers of God and Jesus died for every single one.

The best way to support this newsletter is to buy a copy of my books, share, and leave a review on Amazon + Goodreads.

Leaving Cloud 9 actually covers the story of my mother-in-law, who I mentioned in today’s newsletter.

• Reason to Return: Why Women Need the Church & the Church Needs Women

• Leaving Cloud 9: The True Story of a Life Resurrected From the Ashes of Poverty, Trauma and Mental Illness