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Caroline Beidler, MSW's avatar

Wonderful article! I connect with your story and so appreciate your vulnerability in sharing 🙏🏼

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Ericka Andersen's avatar

Thank you for sharing <3

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Brian Abel's avatar

I’ve been sober for 18 months and I can relate to the shame, the embarrassment of admitting my dependence on alcohol, my inability to control my drinking without asking for help. A friend invited me to Celebrate Recovery and God healed me. Our small groups are men only/ women only but our large group is mixed. I’d say that our recovery group is about a 35/65 mix of men and women. I had never thought it as prevalent among women, but that’s a great lie. I am glad to see you speaking the needs of women.

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Ericka Andersen's avatar

Thanks for your comments and wishing you the best in your recovery!

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Dana Leigh Lyons's avatar

Thank you for your courage and your message, Ericka.

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Ericka Andersen's avatar

Thanks for reading!

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Lorraine Groom's avatar

Oh wow! What a powerful article. Yes, there certainly is shame in being a woman alcoholic and a Christian. I often wonder if I will ever completely heal. I've been sober quite a while but will I ever be healed? Thank you for sharing this.

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Ericka Andersen's avatar

Yes, healing fully I think is a lifelong pursuit. I feel the same about my struggles with eating disorders.

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Sam Z. Silva's avatar

As a result of my own choices today I struggle with stress, anxiety and being alone. My children don’t contact me anymore not even to wish me a happy birthday. I just do one day at a time and pray a lot for God to help me to be released from the oppression of my past demons. Some days I get low, real low but I pray and I try to become grateful for what I have that God has provided. Now I know more things to pray about.

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Ericka Andersen's avatar

I'm so sorry you've gone through this. My heart goes out to you. Keep praying and seeking God! Thank you for being here.

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Dr. Peter J Oehler's avatar

I feel your pain. I too now only have a relationship with 1 of my 3 progeny and, at least, that one is going well. The minor difference is I lost mine to a tense divorce. Personally I've never had any of the "common" addictions but I say we all have some kind of addiction but most are either much easier to conceal or they are actually more socially acceptable such as gossip and hate. And, I don't know about you, but I tell myself they're gone the same as deceased but it continues to slip back in. Grace and Peace I pray for you that you may find some Joy.

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Sam Z. Silva's avatar

Thank you for your support and kind thoughts. I am really thankful for your concern. I still love each of my family and I do know how I was wrong towards them. Lamentations 3:39. I can, and I will, pray that I would forgive them and that I will never harbor malice in my heart. I’m tired and sick of the sinfulness in my own heart. Plus I’m sick and tired of this world’s sinfulness and I’ll pray for the world, and today our country. I pray that God would have mercy on us all. Again, thank you for your support and please know that I will pray for your situation too. I love you all in the spirit of Jesus. Always much joy in sorrow.

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Sarah Oliver's avatar

A great read as my family has had generational alcoholism (among mostly men) and has suffered the consequences of this disease physically, mentally and relationally. Though I have never struggled with alcoholism, I very easily could have fallen into the traps of it like these other family members. I would like to mention that what resonated about your story was that there are many topics that could fall into this same category for women. Things that feel like they are "man problems" so we are left without a voice so to speak. Personally, this was infidelity in my marriage. This is thought of and written about as a problem largely for men. So I found myself lacking confidence to share about my experience because of shame and feeling alone. I went to a Christian marriage intensive weekend (before I was a Christian) and of the 6 couples there 3 men and I had been unfaithful to our spouses. The other 2 were there for other reasons. It's lonely when these gender specific roles are placed upon our own problems. Thank you for writing so vulnerably and opening the doors so others don't feel so out of place.

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Ericka Andersen's avatar

Yes, I agree that there are probably other things that are seen more as "male" problems and so women aren't seen as much in them. Infidelity definitely fits that and I think we need more resources for women in that regard as well. Thanks for sharing here and I hope even just a little bit opens the door for others to heal as well.

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Dee Rambeau's avatar

“It was a life of constant maintenance, plotting drinks, and pushing boundaries. I was on a tightrope teetering over fire.” 💯

The maintenance was exhausting.

Christians, atheists, Buddhists, Muslims, etc all suffer essentially the same path. That why our stories sound so similar in the rooms.

You’re on to something regarding the shame attached to speaking up about to ask for help in a particular community. But wouldn’t that same shame attach to us whether we were in a tight-knit church group, a locker room full of teammates, or a peer group of work colleagues?

You speak from your experience—so my intention is not diminish. My experience is exactly the same—and also exactly different. Thanks for sharing.

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Ericka Andersen's avatar

Yes, for sure, there is a lot of shame regardless -- probably in all faith communities similarly. I guess I just meant in regards to the positions of leadership people may have as faith leaders could make it harder to admit given the relation to "sin" or "morality" that is often generalized.

Thanks for sharing <3

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Dee Rambeau's avatar

Our leaders 🙄 A common problem.

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Jonathon M. Seidl's avatar

Erika, I’m so thankful for you sharing this story. Your story. You’re right, there are more people out there than we realize who struggle with this. Way more. Honored to be starting to have some of these conversations with you so we can help each other and those in the church who are mired in shame.

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Ericka Andersen's avatar

Thank you so much and I appreciate your voice and sharing this piece too!

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Dr. Peter J Oehler's avatar

Girl you opened a vein and poured your precious blood out on that one. I pray you feel a burden lifted. Seems it had been a while since I heard from you last and I think of you often and say a little prayer.

Grace and Peace I pray for you this day and onward to much Joy.

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