Women, Alcohol & the Disappearance of Lauren Spierer

Empowering young women to protect themselves.

credit: CBS

Twelve years ago, a 5 foot, 90-pound blonde college student named Lauren Spierer vanished from the streets of Bloomington, Indiana — or at least that’s the story most people believe.

Being from Bloomington, I remember the news blitz, and her tan face, sweet smile, and red blouse are etched in my mind from flyers, media hits, and social media shares.

A decade later, a new book about the disappearance — College Girl, Missing — has been released by one of the first reporters to break the news about Lauren back in 2011.

I had heard the rumors.

…That she’d decided to walk home alone at 4am and someone had snatched her.

…Or that she’d overdosed on drugs, her friends had freaked out and hid her body.

…Or that it was that serial killer who was supposedly in town during that week.

…There was also the white truck…

…Or could it have somehow been her boyfriend, who was not accounted for at that exact time?

Only one person likely knows the truth—and they’ve never spoken up. Lauren’s parents continue to cling to this, even recently mentioning that it’s not too late for someone to say something.

I knew I’d read this book. The events of that night occurred in bars, apartments, and on streets I’ve been in, passed by, or walked on hundreds of times in my life.

But really — back then and now — I can only think of how many college women could have been Lauren, how I could have been Lauren, and how alcohol (and drugs) are worse for women both physically and situationally.

Hundreds of thousands of IU women, like me, have stumbled into Kilroys Sports Bar over the years, played Flip Cup at random apartment complexes with people they barely knew, and sprinted down Bloomington alleys to get somewhere alone at night. It’s always stupid. It’s always naive. It’s always fueled by alcohol.

A classic argument: Should we tell girls not to drink so much or teach boys not to treat women like animals?

I’ve never understood how you could oppose the former. Obviously, the latter is necessary, too. No matter how much we wish women could be safe at all times, they aren’t.

Should we be able to walk to our cars at night without gripping the keys?

Should we be able to navigate half-empty parking lots without nervousness?

Should we be able to go fearlessly running at sunrise?

Should we be able to walk home alone at night safely?

Of course, we should.

But we can’t. So, let’s grapple with reality.

What happened to Lauren was, of course, not her fault. No one deserves to be abducted, assaulted, or killed (obviously!) for partying.

But young girls don’t understand what’s at stake. Because at 20, we feel invincible. College is so much freedom all at once, right away, without restraint. Under the influence of drugs or alcohol, those un-fully formed frontal cortexes can make some pretty awful, life-changing decisions.

For women, the consequences are often worse for a few reasons.

1. Biological and chemical differences in body composition mean alcohol affects women in a more detrimental way. Women absorb more alcohol and it takes longer to metabolize.

2. After drinking the same amount of alcohol, women usually have higher blood alcohol levels than men, and the immediate effects of alcohol occur more quickly and last longer.

3. Because of #1 and #2, women have more long-lasting health effects of alcohol use — like liver disease, heart disease, cancer and any number of other illnesses that are now killing them at higher rates than ever before.

4. Women are vulnerable targets. Any way you slice it, women are smaller, weaker, and more at risk of predatory men. Something awful could happen when their guard is down or they’re making risky choices to walk alone at night.

5. There’s less research/focus on women. Alcoholism research has typically focused on men, as have recovery programs. That’s changing, but there is still less info out there for women, so we know less than we should.

I could run through a list of the things I’ve done while drinking that I wouldn’t do sober for anything:

• Karaoke, tubing, peeing in a ditch (ha ha, stupid)

• On a more serious note: Walking home alone from a bar to my on-campus apartment.

• Leaving a bar alone with a guy I didn’t know and don’t remember

• Passing out at an acquaintance’s apartment.

• Falling asleep at a bar and getting kicked out.

• Screaming at my best friend for an unknown reason.

• Driving when I shouldn’t have been doing so.

I’m alive. I had no major consequences for any of these things (other than losing my dignity and severe hangovers), but some of them could have been tragic.

Thankfully, I never did hard drugs and wasn’t tempted to do so — but a reminder — alcohol IS a drug, and it alters the mind as such.

I don’t think this truth is understood: Alcohol is a drug.

It is even perhaps more dangerous, causing more erratic behavior and leaving one more vulnerable to blackouts, passing out, and being taken advantage of.

All the while, we’re poisoning our bodies, pillaging our immune systems, and putting our lives at risk.

And in college, it’s a rite of passage. In young adulthood, that doesn’t change much. It’s all happy hours, bar dates, and drunken kickball. You start to trust people who are just a little familiar, but remember what Chanel Miller wrote in Know My Name:

“…I need you to know it was all true. The friendly guy who helps you move and assists senior citizens in the pool is the same guy who assaulted me. One person can be capable of both. Society often fails to wrap its head around the fact that these truths often coexist, they are not mutually exclusive. Bad qualities can hide inside a good person. That's the terrifying part.”

Getting wasted around the wrong person in the wrong situation is all too easy to do as a young woman.

We laugh at the old adage: “Nights we’ll never remember with friends we’ll never forget.” But hopefully, we all make it back from those nights — unlike.

• Ciaya Whetstone who died after being dropped off at the ER after a night of partying.

• Or Samantha Spady, who died of alcohol poisoning on the floor of a frat house.

• Or Mickey Schunk who was abducted and killed late at night.

• Or Lauren Spierer, who was likely abducted off the street while walking home alone in the dark.

Alcohol (and drugs) and female vulnerability are a toxic combination. Let’s work for a better world, but get real about the one that exists. Young women must tether themselves to safe cornerstones when they go out drinking.

Maybe they need location-on Apple watches instead of cell phones (which are too easy to lose). Maybe they need “safe people” on notice just to check in on them throughout the night. They certainly need fierce friends who will look out for them no matter what.

We all lose judgment (and care) when drinking. If a drunk person wants to do something, it’s hard to convince them otherwise. This is exactly what one of the young men who was with Lauren said about her insistence to walk home alone.

So, there should be more education, more personal stories, and more safety precautions and awareness. There is no fail-proof remedy here. And I’m not in favor of prohibition for a variety of reasons, so let’s keep talking about it.

I don’t blame women for their vulnerability. But we all have to be responsible for ourselves. As Laura McKowen says, “It’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility.” Whether that’s our drinking life or our own safety, we must take ownership of our lives. We must empower young women to fend for themselves in smart ways.

Lauren Spierer would be 32 years old today. A whole life un-lived — the reasons we will never know fully. But I hope her story has spoken to young women who might think twice about the choices they make regarding alcohol or what they do while drinking it. Most of us are just lucky we made it out unscathed.

*I’m writing a book about women & sobriety. If you’d like updates and information on my forthcoming book, just add your name to the list here.

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Leaving Cloud 9 actually covers the story of my mother-in-law, who I mentioned in today’s newsletter.

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