Year one was brutal. The days strung together as I watched them tick by on my sober app, looking forward to 365 when I could boast to the world I had made it.
This elusive ONE YEAR SOBER that seemed so impossible at the start.
Year one to two and two to three? Way faster. Too fast. My kids went from 3 to 5 and 5 to 7 in a blink and I rarely thought about the drink that was once so hard to give up.
Life without alcohol is not so much “better” as it is “clarifying.”
This week in my small group Bible study, we read Hebrews 12, which says:
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and sin which clings to closely, and let us run with endurance the race set before us…”
Someone astutely noted: When we put down the weight, the race isn’t over. It’s just begun. Now we can really begin to run with endurance.
That’s how this journey has been.
It took *so many* years to finally “lay aside” the weight of this vice that I got lost in my race. I went backwards and the wrong way. I missed the signs and stopped for days at a time.
So here I am today, enduring. Still stopping way too often and occasionally getting lost, but the path is far more illuminated, the airways cleared out and functioning properly.
Instead of running away from bears, I’m facing them with the confidence of David, who, as he was being chased by a murderer:
The Lord will help me.
The Lord will sustain my life and protect
The Lord will repay my enemies
God hadn’t done it yet. But David believed He would. And when we operate in the safety of faith in the bigger story of God, we can face our battles with integrity.
I’m still not great at it. I operate out of fear more often than I care to admit.
…But I’m stepping forward instead of retreating inward.
…I’m telling the truth instead of pretending I believe the lies of escape.
…I’m sitting in the discomfort instead of leaving for a devastating fantasy world of temporary freedom.
At the end of the day, no one escapes themselves and the “sin that so easily entangles.” We are fallen. We are broken. We are utterly dependent. We are not enough.
That’s actually good news because we a Lifter of spirits, a Healer of minds and bodies, and a Foundation on which we can rely. We have the only One who is Enough.
“Therefore, lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed,” reads Hebrews 12: 12
I talk about being discontent. I often still am. Instead of fighting against this nature, I push forward in spite of it. I stop trying so hard to end the pain of mental struggle and walk through it.
If I’m feeling depressed, I let it be. If I’m feeling anxious, I say it loud. If I’m feeling scared, I take it to God or to friends. It’s like “phone-a-friend” in the wilderness.
God never said we had to run the race alone. We’re not SUPPOSED to.
This is why…the Church, the family, the scriptures, divine appointments and Spirit-filled moments to guide us.
As I enter year 4 of sobriety I do so with eyes open, knowing it will require endurance just as the other three.
My struggles are not what they once were, but as a stranger in this world, I know there are more to come. And that’s okay. God will equip me in the moment I need it, just as He did for the Israelites with manna in the wilderness (which ceased coming down as soon as they entered the Promised Land.)
If you’re struggling with alcohol or addiction, consider me an open line of communication.
*Here’s my post from 1 year sober if you’re interested in some resources.